I am convinced that we all want to know the SECRET TO LIFE. We want to know what will make us successful, happy, healthy, attractive and really connected in our relationships. Even if we don’t consciously think about these things, our souls are on the lookout for that one thing that will make us enjoy our lives and finally be happy. I have been on this search my whole life (a grand total of 29 years!) That may not sound like a lot of experience to you but I have to tell you that when I go after something I am ALL IN! There really isn’t a place I wouldn’t go or a book I wouldn’t read if I felt it would give me the thing I am searching for! I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am a self-help guru, but it kind of fits!
I WISH that I could say that I have finally FOUND IT! You know, that secret we are all trying to figure out? I CAN tell you that if there were a secret to life I would have found it already! There are a lot of people out there selling the message that they have FOUND IT and they can teach you how to have it if you buy their book or program. After many books and many programs I can say that we can’t buy what we are looking for.
But Wait, There Is Hope
Don’t feel discouraged though! The fact that you can’t buy this “secret” is actually REALLY GOOD NEWS!! Let me explain, I don’t believe there is a formula or method that can give you all that you are looking for – but I do believe that people have found out how to live happy, successful, healthy, attractive, and really connected in relationships! I really don’t think the people who write the self help books and sell the programs are frauds, I think they have found something so valuable for their lives and they want everyone to experience it too! In fact, I have been one of those people, so desperately trying to put into words and find a formula that is duplicable to contribute to the world!
What I have learned is that the secret to life can’t be obtained without each individual going on his or her own very PERSONAL JOURNEY. It looks different for everyone, which is why the formulas don’t work! What they do is get you one step closer to finding your truth. These formulas or methods can inspire you, get you thinking outside the box, and help you dig deep into yourself to find your own answers. That is, if you will let them!
I am finding that most of the information out there on how to be happy, have a successful business, obtain health, or thrive in your relationships is getting on the same page! Almost all the recourses you will find will tell you that you must visualize what you want. They call it so many different things – meditation, visualization, imagination, belief, faith, prayer, manifesting, attracting, etc. I have tried IT ALL and what I can tell you is this… all these things lead you on a journey into your heart and soul and if you aren’t willing to face the shit in there then it ain’t gonna work for you! (A little bit of my southern roots coming out for y’all!)
How Do We Face Our Shit?
If I could recommend a few books that can really help you face what you have been hiding from it would be three of Brene Brown’s books: The Gifts of Imperfections, Daring Greatly, and Rising Strong. She has dedicated her life to studying all the things that get in the way of our happiness – which she calls living wholeheartedly! You can call it whatever you like – I happen to love the phrase LIVING FULLY ALIVE! Brene tells us in her books that we must “own our story” and accept ourselves, including all the shit we find in the locked down places of our heart – even if we have hated those things our whole lives. What gets in the way of doing this? I’ll let Brene tell you that.
“It’s as simple and complicated as this: If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness – the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, and proving.”
Simply put, shame gets in the way! The lies that we believe about ourselves and others gets in the way of facing our junk and unconditionally accepting and loving ourselves for who we are, RIGHT NOW! This is how we begin to live authentically. This is how we show up in the world as a happy and successful woman. This is how we cultivate deep and meaningful relationships. WE MUST FACE OUR SHIT and extend love instead of rejection and shame. This is the bravest, wildest, most rebellious, and attractive thing that you could do in a world that tells us that we should behave, look, and be a certain way to make it in this life!
The Bad News
This journey hurts like hell, it’s impossible to do alone (trust me I have tried), everything that you thought you knew or that kept you “safe” won’t be there anymore to support you, and you will most likely feel like this journey is ruining your life! Oh, and did I mention you will look like a hot mess with your life falling apart while you do it? Sounds like something you want to sign up for, right? Probably not, but remember the beginning of this blog when I mentioned that we are all searching for that secret? THIS IS THAT SECRET and at the core of who you are, YOU WANT THIS. It’s total freedom and amazingly enough it brings about all those things that you thought would make you happy but didn’t! You actually get to have your cake and eat it too, but believe me you will have worked your ass off for it!
You Can’t Do It Alone
To finish up, I have to bring back up the fact that this is impossible to do alone. If you don’t have someone you are doing life with that you totally trust then BUY YOURSELF A FRIEND. What I mean by this is; pay for counseling, therapy, life coaching, or someone to help you walk through this journey. I love how Brene Brown describes these relationships.
“Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: “Who has earned the right to hear my story?” If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky. We don’t need love and belonging and story-catching from everyone in our lives, but we need it from at least one person.”
I pray that all of you have someone in your life that walk with you through this journey and that you find all that you are looking for along the way! If you are already on this journey I want tell you that YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR and you are exactly where you should be. DON’T GIVE UP! If this blog inspired you to start this journey I want to tell you to jump head first before you have the chance to talk yourself out if it – there will never be a good time to reclaim/ruin your life. Lastly, if you need a confidante to walk with you through the mess – please reach out to someone!